Fear

Thank you for this. It is very interesting. I have to admit some of the exercises made me feel a momentary panic, nausea, fear - of what am I frightened? Letting go of my false idea of self I assume. I wasn't prepared for such a reaction. When I am faced with it, actually faced with the reality of no-thing, I panic! I wonder if others have this reaction? But I love it, I just love what you are sharing, and I will keep going with it. Thank you so much. T.

It is understandable how Seeing can be a terror for some, for the only void in evidence is at THIS center where the finger points back. EVERYONE else has a head. Is anyone else never struck by the loneliness of being in this position, or does the feeling come from bringing personality to awareness (rather than vice-versa)? B.M. UK.

It's interesting to watch the changes that seeing brings about in my life now. An example of the wonderful by-products of this boundless state happened a few days ago. Ever since having an eye operation which involved coming round from the anaesthetic with weights on my eyes and bandages round my head, unable to move or call for attention - all of which induced a feeling of panic in me - I have had similar feelings of panic whenever I go to the beauty therapist to have my blonde piggy eyelashes dyed (what vanity, I know). Anyway, I always ask the therapist to stay in the room with me for the ten minutes or so (lying flat and immobile with pads on my eyes, unable to move or blink in case the stinging dye gets into the eyes) that this ordeal takes. This allays any rising panic in my prone body on the table. This time I heard the therapist walk out of the room and down the stairs - panic started to rise - and then I remembered! I expanded myself and felt myself contain not only the beauty therapist, but the whole building, the whole town and beyond. There's nowhere that the therapist could go to! She was in me wherever she was. Not only this but apparently (I realised later) I and my panic had disappeared in favour of a much larger scenario. Hilarity and happiness replaced that limited feeling of being alone and helpless. I await with interest the dissolution of any other hang-ups that come to light. A.T. UK

The first time I saw this was when I was 10 years old and washing my hands outside the school lavatory. I was scared out of my wits, realizing I was not me. It was unheralded and unwelcome. H.W. UK

I just got back from a walk in the woods and was practicing "one eye". Before I left I listened to some of the audio tapes on the website and was doing some of the exercises again. As I was walking I was amazed at the the hugeness of the space inside me and that I had never really looked at this space in the way I was doing in this moment.  I also was aware that what was "outside" was just as huge and that there was no difference between "outside" and "inside"! I was also amazed at how the "thought" of who and what I was is so utterly different than what I am seeing "myself" to be now! I can see this vast nothingness that contains everything! That old "version" of myself is so small, so isolated, utterly separated. I am in awe! I had a strange feeling first thing this morning and it was fear, fear that this is just another "ah ha" moment that is only in my "mind" and I will lose it or it will just fade away or be replaced by something else or even that this is too simple that it can't be true. As you can see as the day went on I was able to see past this negative thought and I really don't think I could ever doubt what is so clear, and real as this. Thank you again for doing what you do!  Ronna.

Dear Richard, you emphasized quite a lot "being space for everything" and this took me back over 20 years to an experience that I had before I met Douglas.  I had been on a Self Growth training (similar to 'est' in USA) where we were broken down to nothing!! Though the significance of this was not obvious at the time!  At the end of it I realised that I was totally complete just as I was, warts and all (but there was still a person there).  I gave up the search and stopped meditating, totally in love with myself!  About 3 months after this I had the experience or rather I saw who I really was, but did not understand that at the time.  I was washing the dishes and feeling very much at peace with myself, when suddenly, Margaret seemed to expand into this huge container, which was filled with everything, the kitchen, the dog & cat, my husband and outside the moon and stars, the trees, the earth. Fear set in and I was back as this little Margaret person in a flash!!?  It seems to me that when I see my own headlessness, that experience is being repeated, would you agree? Margaret.