Seeing Is What's Left
At first after seeing happened, I went around "disembodied and devoid of care" for quite a long time; disconnected from "me", I felt there were no problems left. But that didn't last and gradually I've had to accept this person after all. Getting caught up in recurring thought patterns ("I'm not wanted" is a favourite of mine) and just sheer grief at events in the past has gone on a lot, and still does sometimes, but eventually, through not pushing them down out of consciousness but going into them they've got less. "Down, in, through" seems to work. In the beginning I thought seeing would solve my problems, in the end I realised "when all else fails, seeing is what's left". J.