Reflection 166

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The True Goal Of Sex

The way to well-being is forward to full self-awareness, and this is just as true of sexual well-being as of any other sort. For here again the rule applies: finding yourself is losing yourself. Finding the self-you-are is losing the selves-you've acquired. Taking on at last your true identity as No-thing is taking off your false identifications as all kinds of things. It is these that keep you and your loved one apart, and are responsible for your sexual stresses. Urging us to seek the self with all the energy at our command, the Zen master Dogen adds: 'To find the self is to forget the self; and to forget the self is to be enlightened by all creatures - not to enlighten them.' In exactly the same way, the true goal of sex is fully to enjoy - in a profound sense to be enlightened by - your partner, and this can only happen when there's nothing of yourself left to block and darken the view. Till you come to this goal, your union goes unconsummated. (Douglas Harding. Head Off Stress.)


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